Okay, so this weekend was pretty darn eventful!

Remember the shock collars from last week?  Yep, same players, once again participants in the latest, and so far most ridiculous, weekend event..


So, my husband and his buddies are gun fanatics.  Not to be confused with gun wielding fanatics.  Okay so there might be one exception to that, who shall remain nameless... for now. 

We had a nice day in the city planned for Sunday.  You know, just me and the hubs, hanging out and spending some time together.  As we are getting ready to leave, one of my husband's buddies calls and wants to go to the shooting range.  As there is absolutely no point in trying to redirect my husband's attention to our original plans, I just went along with it.  It's much easier that way.  Plus I kind of like shooting guns myself so why not?  And out of the RV marches my husband carrying more weapons than probably most men going into combat.  Me, "Is it necessary to take every gun you've got?"  Hubs, "Well yeah, duh."  And to the gun range we go.

My husband's buddies meet us there and after everybody unloads all of their guns and ammo we pretty much have an arsenal at this point. AK's, shotguns, handguns, rifles, you name it.  Everybody is taking turns shooting this gun and that gun and discussing what they like best about each one, blah, blah, blah...  At this point we're just going to refer to these four guys as Mr. Blonde, Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange and Mr. Dumbass.  Personalities fit.  Thank you Reservoir Dogs.  Love that movie!  Mr. Dumbass is a, let's say, experienced marksman.

Mr. Blonde, Mr. Orange and Mr. Dumbass are taking turns shooting at a 200 yard target.  Quite frankly I was talking with Mr. Pink at the time so I can't even tell you what they were shooting with or at.  Mr. Dumbass was in the process of shooting when there was some conversation going on about not being able to see if he was hitting his target, even with his binoculars, which suddenly caught Mr. Pink's attention since he apparently has super human eyesight.  Thank God. As Mr. Pink is scanning the 200 yard target for bullet holes, he calmly says, "Hey, is that smoke?" 

First of all I really wasn't paying attention to what was going on.  I think I was texting or facebooking or something.  I heard him say it, I just didn't really pay much attention... that is until Mr. Blonde, Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange and Mr. Dumbass literally throw down their guns and bail in my Jeep.  As Mr. Blonde (aka the hubs) drives past me in the Jeep he throws his cell phone at me and hollers, "Call 911!"  I just looked at him like, really?  He just got that phone last week!  He's damn lucky I caught it.  Drama queen.

After standing there for a couple of minutes watching the four of them, debating about whether I should really call 911, they suddenly pull the target board out of the ground.  Now mind you, near as I can tell this is like a 4x8 sheet of plywood, I'm guessing pretty thick plywood, and it's attached to posts that one would presume are stuck in the ground fairly well to keep it upright.  They pulled the entire thing, posts and all, out of the ground and are flopping it around.  At that point I'm thinking, what are those damn fools doing out there???   Oooooooh, I probably should call 911... 

911: "911 state your emergency."
KMAC: "We started a fire at the P*** M******** shooting range.
911:  "Can I have your name?"
KMAC:  "Uhhhhhh... KMAC."
911:  "What's your emergency?"
KMAC: "Huh?  We started a fire at the P*** M******** shooting range."
911: "The what?"
KMAC:  "The P*** M******** shooting range."
911:  "What's the address?"
KMAC:  "Address?  I don't know the friggin address!  We're at the bleep bleep bleep shooting range!"
911:  "Ok.  A fire at the P*** M******** shooting range."
KMAC: "Yes, and from the looks of things these guys aren't going to be able to put it out by themselves!"
911:  "Ok."
CLICK

Really?  911 just hangs up on people?  No confirmation number, no instructions, no thanks for calling goodbye?  Apparently not.

After the fire spread and got totally out of control, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Pink, Mr. Orange and Mr. Dumbass drove back up the range to where I was standing.  I relayed the 911 call to them and suggested it might be more effective if one of us drove down to the fire department, two blocks away, and let them know there's a fire.  No vote of confidence for the 911 dispatcher at this point in the game.  So Mr. Orange drives down to the fire department to make the announcement.  Fortunately, they had just received the call and were ready to roll.  Unfortunately, it's a volunteer fire department, meaning they don't have much equipment or many volunteers.  Out of the five volunteer firefighters they have, four of them were drunk.  Oh yes, as skunks!  We just stood there shaking our heads, looking at one another with the Scooby Doo, eerrrrhhh? 

As we're sitting there watching three small firetrucks, four drunken firefighters and one sober firefighter attempt to get a wildly out of control grass fire under control, Mr. Dumbass's wife just happened to drive by on her way back from the laundromat and strangely enough noticed the raging fire.  Probably didn't help that we had an audience parked on the highway either.  If I only had a picture of her face when she got out of the car.  Her first words were, "Do I even want to know?"  Which drew a unanimous NO!  Then she said, "Who started it?  Wait, let me guess, Mr. Dumbass."  To which we all just shook our heads yes.  Had to throw somebody under the bus, we ain't all going down for this one!

Then the fire chief shows up.  He informed us straight away upon his arrival, and I quote, "We like to drink beer, not put out fires." No shit.  Who would've guessed?  We hung around for a couple of hours, just in case anybody wanted to talk to us, you know, get our names, info, how the fire started, anything like that.  The fire chief finally came back up to where we were standing and the hubs walks over to his pickup and asks him if we needed to stick around or anything.  The fire chief says, and again I quote, "Nope, shit happens," and drove off.  From what we hear they got the fire put out around 11:00 that night.  I bet it was a long day for those boys.

The next day Mr. Dumbass delivered two cases of beer to the fire station as an apology and a thank you.  But I bet he lost his membership to the shooting club...

Later that evening we decided to have a cookout.  Ironic, I know.

Things we've learned this week that once again have nothing to do with living in an RV park:
1.  No matter how humid the climate is, dry grass can still catch fire.
2.  When your husband tells you to call 911, you should probably do it, immediately..
3.  Always carry a fire extinguisher to the shooting range.  A shovel would probably be handy too.
4.  Support your local volunteer fire department.  They need all the help they can get!
5.  If you are a volunteer fire fighter, you probably shouldn't drink if you are on call.  Just sayin.

Wow, really late posting anything this week.  Busy, busy, busy...not.  So, more doggy drama...  Upon answering a knock at the door last week, I find a very small woman, about 5', standing there scratching Larry on the head.  The first words out of her mouth were, "These dogs are supposed to be on a leash."  Curious way of starting a conversation I thought.  And I must say, I didn't really appreciate the attitude in which she said it with.  So I stepped out of the rv and replied, "They are on wireless shock collars.  The owner told me that was fine."  The only thing she said was, "Well how are we supposed to know that?"  To which I replied, "Well ya know now, don't ya?"  Then she proceeded to tell me how Larry came charging at her across the yard barking viciously and that she was so frightened she just froze. And I'm thinking...  Really?  You were that frightened?  Then what in the hell possessed you to walk through the yard and knock on the door?  However, instead of saying it out loud I simply said, "Really?  You don't look that frightened." (As I look down at her hand, still scratching Larry's head...)  She didn't really care for my answer or the attitude in which I said it with either.  Now we're even.  Before the cat fight broke out I think she realized that she was out numbered, after all she was standing inside the safe zone...  That's when she finally introduced herself... as the park manager's wife.  Huh, and here I thought she was just one of the bitchy neighbors.  Go figure.  Yeah, we'll probably be moving soon.
 
Anyhoo... I've made some modifications since then to try to diminish the dogs bothering the neighbors.  For starters, duct taping one of those awesome silver windshield shades to the inside of the rv's windshield, which completely blocks the dog's view therefore, they don't surprise the passers by with their barking.  People don't typically look up for dogs when they're walking.  Oh, and did I mention how cool it looks too?  Yeah, high class.  We're more apt to fit in now.  We adjusted their invisible fence so now Larry can't sneak around the corner and surprise anybody without getting zapped.  Also, when we leave the dogs inside now I make sure that I leave Pandora on the Tom Petty station, just loud enough to drown out most outside noise so the dogs don't bark. That's working out pretty well so far.  I had no idea it would be so involved having three dogs in an rv.  I'm starting to feel like I'm on an episode of MacGyver.

What an exciting week we had around here.  Well at least one night was pretty exciting.  Some of the night shift got rained out last week so the party was on!  The local bar ran out of Jack, yes, that's correct, so we moved the party to the rv.  Not such a good idea.  Imagine if you will, half a dozen fairly drunken men, who have been working 80 hours a week for months with a lot of pent up testosterone, in possession of shock collars.  Oh yes, we have video.  This is one of those rare times when I will go with my better judgement so no, I am not going to post it.  I vaguely remember something in the directions about the possibility of facing prosecution for misusing the device.  That same night some of the other guys at the bar decided that it would be a great idea to chase the local deer.  In their pickup.  The sheriff's department didn't find that humorous at all.  They were in even worse humor when they caught the two of them... after a foot chase.  Ayyyyyeeeee.... Luckily for them someone was available to bail them out of jail the next morning.  I'm glad those idiots didn't wind up here.  We had a surplus of them running around already. 

Things we've learned this week that really have nothing to do with living in an rv park:
1.  Dogs love Tom Petty.  His voice is very soothing to them.
2.  Always make introductions at the beginning of any conversation so you know who's ass you are about to kick.  You might possibly change your mind.
3.  Don't drink and drive.  Don't drink and chase deer.  Don't drink and run from the police.  Don't drink and put a shock collar around your buddy's neck, or on his testicles, or on his ass, or anywhere else for that matter.

First, the doggy update - Jack, Larry and Katy learned their new boundaries very quickly and are doing extremely well with their "invisible" fence!  Unfortunately it took us about three days to get Katy out of the RV without dragging or carrying her, but she's figured it out that she is allowed outside, in certain areas.  They have also learned that the bathroom and the bedroom are out of their safe zone, which is quite convenient for me.  No more dog piles in the bed after the hubs leaves for work in the morning!  Yay for me!

So now that we have spent $600 and have the dogs contained in about a 20' x 30' area outside, the park manager informed me that the dogs "being outside are intimidating the people using the laundry", which is the yard, and another RV space and it's yard, away from us.  Granted, they are fairly large dogs, and Larry may look a little demonic with that one white eye, but really they're quite friendly, unless they sense you're an asshole and then they're really not.  I was also informed that "they were raising a lot of hell", while my husband and I were out having dinner one evening last week, "and disturbed the neighbors across the road who were trying to have a party"... Oookaaaay?  At that point I wondered to myself if anyone had thought that maybe the neighbor's "party" disturbed our dogs and just possibly might be what set them off to "raising hell"?  Hmmm....  On a happier note, the dogs no longer attempt to herd the little deer that roam freely about, or chase the cats that sit just outside of that invisible line and taunt them, they just sit, and watch, and wait...  One of these days I think I'll take their collars off and turn them loose just for fun.  Shake things up a bit.  No sense in the taunters getting too comfortable.  Heh heh heh...

Oooooh, and here's an interesting little story.  Poop fairies.  You don't really pay attention to how much your dogs poop unless you're forced to pick up after them.  Every morning the dogs go outside and do their business and usually I pick up after them right away.  I've got this handy dandy pooper scooper thing that makes it pretty darn easy.  The other day however, I had my morning coffee then came inside, showered and got dressed.  By the time I got back outside the dog poop had miraculously disappeared!  That evening I complained to my husband that we either have a "poop fairy" or some nosy neighbor is cleaning up dog poop from our yard, which offended me by gosh.  He just laughed and brushed it off.  I however, having nothing better to do with my time, decided to investigate.  The following day I intentionally left the dogs outside so if the "poop fairy" was in fact one of our neighbors I would be alerted by barking.  Nope.  Didn't happen, but again the poop was gone!  Later that evening we decided to grill outside.  As we are enjoying our meal at the picnic table I notice a piece of dog poop seemingly floating across the grass.  What the heck?!?!  Beetles.  Dung beetles to be exact.  Which happen to live on every continent except Antarctica.  Thank you Wikipedia.   I cannot imagine where they are taking all that poop to.  Nor do I want to.  So much for my "poop fairies".

Speaking of which, does anyone know where I can purchase single-ply toilet paper?  Do they even make that stuff anymore?  Apparently you cannot use regular toilet paper in an RV.  Who knew?  As I'm outside questioning my husband about whether he has the appropriate valves and such open for the sewer outlet, he whips around and in a not very nice tone states loudly that the problem is that "you use too much toilet paper."  Hello!  I don't pee standing up either you knuckle dragger!  To which he responded, "call your father!"  Oh boy.  But, as any good father would, he immediately blamed it on my husband not having the appropriate valves open or he broke something, etc.  It wasn't until my dad repeated every question I had asked previously that my husband took the phone away from me and explained to him just "how much toilet paper" I use.  Somehow they fell into agreement with one another on the subject and I had to listen to both of them berate me about my extensive use of toilet paper.  [sigh]  We now have a different system.

Things we've learned this week about living in an RV, and a RV park:
1.  "Poop fairies" don't exist.  Dung beetles do.
2.  Single-ply toilet paper.  Very important.

I am a dog lover.  My dogs are like my second set of children.  They are spoiled beyond belief and in return are extremely loving and loyal.  They are also very accustom to having a large backyard to roam freely in. 

I had this awesome idea to purchase a wireless dog fence system yesterday from PetSmart, because this keeping the dogs on a 3' leash tied to the picnic table just isn't really working.  My husband had an all out fit in the store when he saw that this system was going to cost us about $600.  I argued my case, citing that it would be soooo much better for the dogs to have some freedom, it would be in their best interest and how much safer they would be.  I basically kept talking until he caved in and let me buy it.  So yes, it was totally my idea. 

We get back to the rv with the system, get everything set up and my husband puts one of the collars on Katy.  Sure, pick the only female, the smallest, the youngest, the most timid dog we've got to test it on... really?  So he decides to test it out on himself first.  Okay, at that moment I had to giggle because I was having flashbacks to an email about a guy who bought his wife a taser for Christmas...  Funny story, if you haven't read it you should Google it.  You'll laugh till you pee your pants!  At any rate, my husband came through it unscathed and said it was the equivalent of a 9-volt battery, not a big deal.  Of course he wasn't wearing it around his neck like the dogs would be, he tested it on his arm.  Uh huh.  Katy of course crossed the boundary line immediately and didn't know she was supposed to come back into the circle.  Imagine that.  Maybe we should have read the directions out loud to the dogs so that they would know the rules too.  So here is poor little Katy, stuck outside the boundary area and the collar starts zapping her (we honestly did have it set to low).  She started yelping and flopping around in an attempt to get the collar off, literally crying like a baby, and LOUD!  My husband is running around in the street trying to catch her so he can remove the collar, while I am fumbling around trying to unplug the stupid thing from the power.  This naturally caused some of our animal loving neighbors to investigate, which was rather embarrassing to explain I might add.  Poor Katy remained inside the rest of the evening trembling in fear under the kitchen table. 

I was ready to return the damn thing after that and then I hear my husband say, "What's fair is fair!" as he's putting the next collar on Larry, our middle "child"... Really?  We're actually going to try this again???  I'm pretty sure I saw Larry's eyes cross...  and into the rv he went.  I found him hiding on the dash between the windshield and the curtain. My poor baby boy!

At this point Jack, the oldest and wisest of the bunch, was none too excited about partaking in what everybody else was doing.  I'm pretty sure he had been paying very close attention the entire time.  He was hesitant to say the least.  That is until the cat wandered on to the scene.  If Jack got shocked we don't really know.  You can't exactly hear the collar beeping when it's traveling at the speed of light half a block away.  So we turned it up a notch.  It did get his attention after that but thankfully he didn't whine or yelp, or spend the rest of the evening trembling in terror like the other two.  That's okay, he minds pretty well without a shock collar anyway.

The moral to the story is this folks, the directions that came with the system were most likely written by someone who knows something about training dogs and their behavior.  You, and your dogs, are not smarter than this person.  Read the directions and then follow them.  There's a reason you don't just slap the collar on the dog and turn them loose.  Trust me on this.  It's going to take a couple of weeks, just like the directions say, but we'll get through it I'm sure and once we do I will have three very happy dogs and my husband will have his happy wife back.

Well, it's a done deal!  Got the house packed, everything in storage, my U-Haul loaded and headed for south Texas.  It was a mostly uneventful trip however, traveling with three large dogs in a Jeep pulling a U-Haul made it interesting to say the least.  It amazes me how much dogs shed, particularly when they get into warmer climates.  I'm fairly certain that I may have caused an accident or two simply by rolling the windows in the Jeep down and letting clouds of dog hair fly wildly out the windows.  I'm not sure how long it will take to get the dog hair out of the Jeep.  Glad I packed the shop vac.
So, twenty seven hours later, I arrive at my final destination.  The RV is parked in a nice little campground only a block or two from the bay.  There is a palm tree right in our front yard!  Palm trees are pretty amazing if you come from Colorado, let me tell ya.  It took me a couple of days to get the U-Haul unpacked and everything put away but it's done, finally!  Piece of advice, you REALLY don't need all of that stuff!  I think I may have to have a yard sale before we move to California...
My third day here I went to Walmart and spent $30 on a tv antenna.  I was soooo excited!  What I failed to realize however was our proximity to Mexico.  Soap operas in Spanish.  Yep, that was it.  As much as I would like to learn Spanish, I haven't yet.  I'll be returning the antenna.

So, the first post of my newly created blog.  Better be something special.

My husband and I have decided to rent out our cozy little home and move.  Into an RV.

Now what 42 year old woman in her right mind would give up a solid career, a quaint little 3 bed, 1 bath home with a nicely landscaped yard in a peaceful little town in Colorado to move into a 31' RV with a man and three, yes I said three, large Australian Shepherds?  Well... it sounded like a very exciting adventure when we made this decision.  I have no other reasons than that.  Adventure.  Something I've had a lot of in the past 12 months.

I met my husband in April 2011.  After a whirlwind romance we were married on January 1, 2012.  Our year together has been amazing!  Our first real trip together was to Vegas over July 4th weekend.  Three weeks later we were front and center at a Kid Rock concert at Cheyenne Frontier Days.  Then there were several trips to the mountains to see friends for the weekend and a few Rockies games at Coors Field.  Labor Day weekend we went to Pennsylvania and Maryland so I could meet a portion of my soon to be husband's family.  Baltimore is an amazing by the way.  In October we flew to Branson so I could meet the rest of the family, and drove back to Colorado.  The beginning of December we were in Boston for a long weekend and at the end of December we were in South Padre Island, TX for our wedding/honeymoon.  As I said, whirlwind!

So, now we've been married for four months and have settled into a not-so-adventurous routine and we've found ourselves bored out of our minds.  My husband works in renewable energy, wind to be exact.  He is quite accustom to being anywhere but home and living out of motel rooms.  He recently found out that he will be working on a project in Texas for several months and will go from there to another project in California for another several months.  This time I decided I'm tagging along.  We're both very excited, if a little scared, about what a traveling life will hold for us.  I am very much looking forward to some time off.  He thinks I'll get bored inside of 30 days and go job hunting.  Hence, my blog.  This is going to be my way of "keeping busy" while making an attempt to relax and enjoy that time off that I desperately need.  My hope is to entertain a few people with my "tales from the campground" in the process.  At least my friends in Colorado will get a kick out of it, they know I'm funny.